I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
