one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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