booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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