i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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