i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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