I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
