its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize