the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
