he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
birth control should be required to get into college
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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