Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
