____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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