i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize