she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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