u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize