I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
