dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No subtext here. People are naked.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
