I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
