...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
