I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
