i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
