The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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