i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
