you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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