What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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