last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
