she smelled like a LAN party
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
