Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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