what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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