I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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