Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
