He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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