Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
