I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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