So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
