I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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