i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
