Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
