She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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