**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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