Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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