I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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