I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
