I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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