You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
