I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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