Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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