I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
