if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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