I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
