When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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