I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
