a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
