question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
