its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
