i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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