I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
