I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
