Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
