just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
