She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
