I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
