I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
