I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
