I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
