Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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