Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
True strength comes from lack of pants
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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