New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize