we're blogging at a bar
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
