i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
