Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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